Alternative Spring Break 2017: Day 1
The ASB 2017 Cincinnati, Ohio crew with Melissa, a woman previously experiencing homelessness.
This is the first installation of my Alternative Spring Break series. This is the first diary entry I made on the trip discussing my first day, of our week, working with The Greater Cincinnati Homeless Coalition in Cincinnati, Ohio. Read all about my first day below!
03/13/17
Today was a whirlwind of emotions and learning as well as reflecting. Today I felt guilt, sadness, and happiness, all at the same time. The first emotional wound I felt was when we were doing a solitary confinement simulation using VR, virtual reality. The VR experience was emotionally draining and I left feeling anxious the whole day after. In the VR experience, you are placed in a solitary confinement room, which in itself is very desolate and filthy (I don't know how else to describe it). It felt like I was cattle, being feed through a small slit on the door and only having a toilet, bed, small window, table and stool. The only things I had for entertainment were books and my thoughts. The room did not feel like a home and it was very degrading. I got especially freaked when in the VR game I started floating, the walls started cracking, and I was floating towards the door. It was like a horror movie (which I greatly dislike). At that moment, I couldn't pay attention to the voices around me, only my thoughts and fears. I was only in "solitary confinement" for 9 minutes, but it felt like forever. I don't know how people are there for hours, days, months, or even years, and how such a system is even legal. I had Kalief Browder in my mind at that moment, and others like him. May God and the universe protect them. (Watch a 360º video version of the VR game here.)
I had never felt so invisible and degraded.
The next emotional rollercoaster that day was selling the Homeless Coalition run newspaper, Streetvibes. Initially, I was excited to participate in the activity and was even confident that I could sell both my newspapers and then some. However, after a few rude "No's" and just plain disregard of my presence, I couldn't take it anymore and I started crying. I had never felt so invisible and degraded. It just took me back to my elementary school years and it was horrible. Not only was I crying by the end of it, but my partner-in-crime, Pirawan, was as well. We felt so degraded and angry and began to attribute our lack of success in selling the paper to our skin color, as women of color. It was a horrible and indescribable feeling. I felt guilty, frustrated, sad, and angry. I was finally able to step into the shoes of pamphlet handlers and "homeless beggars”. I will never, ever ignore those people ever again. It's a difficult task and I commend them for their strength.
The last emotional episode I experienced was when a former person experiencing homelessness, Melissa, came and told us her story. First and foremost, I must commend Melissa for her strength – her unbelievable strength and resilience. The only way I can summarize Melissa's life, according to her story, is that it was complete shit. Her life was unimaginably horrible; she experienced so many hardships and battled so many demons and I'm so proud of her for pulling through it. I dream to have as much strength as she does. Out of all the lessons I got from Melissa's story, the most important, and the ones that stuck with me most, were:
Suicide is avoidable.
No matter what is going on in your life, it will pass and you will survive all the pain and tribulations life throws at you. Melissa was able to do it, and so can I.
Before people experiencing homelessness are homeless, they are people.
They deserve to be treated with respect, compassion, and dignity. They are not sub-human in any way, just human. By just acknowledging them, even if you can't give them money, it can brighten up their day.
Nothing is forever, and in the end everything will be okay.
Stay positive, and be a light in someone else's life!
I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings!
Xo, Naydeline