Notes Poetry: Why I don't drink

October 31, 2016 at 1:00 AM

The other day I found myself feeling angry

Anger leads to frustration

Frustation to sadness

My first thought was

"I need coffee"

My bottle disguised as a coffee cup

Is this what it feels like to be an alcoholic?

Coffee

My poison

My drug

Which brings me comfort

At the darkest of times

Which makes sense when nothing else does

This dependency

It is what fears me about drinking

If I start, will I stop

You see

My father is an alcoholic

If I start, will I stop

You see

My father and I are the same

Rum is to him as caffeine is to me

If I start, will I stop

You see

I feel emotions extremely

I am never "sad"

I am depressed

I am never "happy"

I am ecstatic

I am either 0 or 100

Black or white

No space for grey

If I start, will I stop

I'm impulsive

Sensitive

Vulnerable

Dependent

If I start, will I stop

You see

It is not because I am "lame" or "no fun"

I choose not to drink because

If I start, can I stop

-n.m