High School Lessons: Friendship - Part 1
Some life lessons that I learned from going through high school...
Lesson 1: Friendship is a mutual agreement.
Throughout high school I had some good friends, bad friends, great friends, best friends (aka #thesquad), fake friends, one-time friends, "hi" and "bye" friends, and many friends (aka acquaintances which I referred to as my friends when they came up in a conversation with my mom because I don't know the Spanish word for acquaintance). What I learned from encountering so many people throughout high school and building relationships with these people is that friendship is a mutual agreement between two people, yourself and the other person, your friend (or at least I like to think about it as such). Friendship, or any relationship for that matter, should be built on honesty, trust, care and love for one another (and a lot of other things that I am forgetting) and without these things, there is no friendship. The truth is: if your "friend" is not willing to put the same amount of effort into the friendship as you are, that person is not your friend or they don't care enough about you to be a good friend. I'm not saying this because I'm greedy or needy or I ask for too much from my friends (or I give up too much to my friends), I'm saying it because it's true. I've had friends (or relationships with people who I thought of as my friends) that I've had to cut off from my life because I was giving up too much, and they were giving up too little.
This man and his fish friend are literal #frienshipgoals.
Moreover, reader, a real friend does not talk about you behind your back or talks bad about you to other friends when you're not around ("We're not in Kansas, middle school, anymore..."). Here are some signs that you have a fake friend on your hands:
Your "friend" is able to joke around and have good conversations with you when you're together, but talks bad about you when you are not around.
Your "friend" shit talks another friend to you. (Major red flag: if your "friend" gossips to you about another friend then you can guarantee that they may be gossiping about you too to another friend — As my man Chris Brown said: "These h-es ain't loyal!").
Your "friend" avoids confrontation at all cost, and is incapable of apologizing when they have hurt you even when you confront them about it. (If your "friend" is incapable of apologizing they have some major social and relationship issues or they just don't really care about you, plain and simple.)
Your "friend" is a gossip seeker (like a blood sucking mosquito, sucking up all the gossip…a gosspito?…I'll just see myself out). He or she seeks out the juicy gossip and points out your, and other people's, flaws at every opportunity they have. This "friend" speaks more about other people's lives, than their own.
Prime example of a bad friend from this gem of an internet comedy, “The Most Popular Girls in School.”
I know what you must be thinking, "Naydeline, it seems that from what you've been saying that you believe that friendship should be this perfect relationship, but it isn't. Nothing in life is perfect, not even friends,” and that is true. I can admit that I am not a great or perfect friend, but being a better friend is something that I'm working on everyday. Friendships, like romantic relationships, are not always happy-go-lucky, sunshine and rainbow unicorns; friendships can be messy. But reader, don't be blind-sighted by a fake friend's facade, there is a difference between a healthy friendship, that is sometimes messy, and an unhealthy friendship, that is mostly messy.
A true friend is not only there for you through the good, but they are there for you through the bad as well and they don't run off on you as soon as things get a little messy.
This brings me to my next point: a true friend is not only there for you through the good, but they are there for you through the bad as well and they don't run off on you as soon as things get a little messy. This senior year of high school I lost a friend because they decided to cut themselves off from, and go behind mine and my friend's backs, as soon as things weren't so picture-perfect in our friendship. Life is not perfect, so neither are friendships. If things get messy, fix it and move on. Don't let a small issue turn into a bigger one and don't ignore the problem all together either (that fixes nothing, the problem is still there and can cause even greater damage to your friendship if it's just swept under the rug and not resolved). So reader, (before I turn this blog post into a novel) in conclusion, what I want you to learn from this very long post is: whether you're in middle school, high school, college, or beyond, if you find yourself having a bad friend with any or all of these qualities, which I have described, I suggest to cut that "friend" off immediately, *insert "Bye, Felicia!" gif here*.
You deserve happiness and you don't need negative people bringing you down.
I know that right now it might seem like the friends that you have at the moment are your best friends and that you have to do all that you possibly can to try and keep them, even if it means having your self-esteem lowered, your dignity shattered, and your confidence crushed (I know because I thought so at one point in my life too), but you deserve happiness reader and you don't need negative people bringing you down. You will find new and better friends; you will not end up living alone with twelve mean cats (trust me!). You will find life-long friends, your real best friends, who you'll travel the world with, share your dreams with, and who will take a bullet for you LITERALLY (...maybe!). So don't sweat it reader, you can do without that shit friend and in a few years when you're happy, successful (and even more beautiful than you are now), you can shove your gorgeous successful ass in that shit ex-friend's face. Nevertheless, if you currently find yourself in a fight with your friend (a true friend) or in a messy situation within your friendship, don't give up on them, keep fighting because true friends are worth fighting for. You'll get through this. This too shall pass, I promise!
Xo, Naydeline